Pappa wants mamma naked
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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