"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
