Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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