Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
