i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
