I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
