billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
