I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
