Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
