idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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