I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
