Will you blow on my dice?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
false alarm. still invincible.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
