So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
