haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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