Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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