i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
