i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
