Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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