When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
