She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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