Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
