FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were trust falling into bushes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
