booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
