I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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