Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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