Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
