Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
