I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
