If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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