i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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