I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
