Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
