i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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