My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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