I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
