I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
