would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
