...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
