textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
