you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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