someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
