did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
