I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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