So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
