hell yes lets make some ravioli
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
