Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
