It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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