Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
