I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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