wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
