I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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