I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
