but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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