Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
