thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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