I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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